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ghosts of christmas past

 Maybe i'm going to die soon and my past is revisiting me to make amends?

First, Bill pops up again (predictable)

Then Mr. Tattoo reaches out for some flirtation before disappearing again

Those are the only two men i've remotely attached to since my breakup over 10 years ago.  Can't really call them relationships since it mostly went one way.  Me to them.  Them not choosing me.

I have dated a few men more than once, really, i have!

Theres Mr. Tickle (i can't remember how i referred to him before but we dated on and off and he has a tickle fetish).  He pops up as viewing my stories and my linked in.  He's engaged to the woman he was with for years before dating me (apparently on the side)....so what NOW?  

And today, Mr. Saybrook, the guy that needs someone to move in to his house so he can pay for it, sends me a message on instagram. He was another one, couldn't stay with one woman.  We dated a few times, i saw all the signs of being love bombed.  We had a great bike ride but he was looking for a move in RIGHT NOW situation.

Who's next?  

Oh, there's the FIRST Bill - we did date a few months.  He had a lot of dead exes.  

Then there was Mike.  The guy that had the "nice guy" thing going but was just as one way as all the others, his way.

Anddddd I think thats it..........oh, wait, Mr. Marine, from Valentines day this year.  Does he count?

I text periodically with Darryl.......13 years together, 10 years apart, a once in a while conversation.  No biggie. 

I haven't heard from my ex husband in over 20 years.....and i'd like to keep it that way.

The guy i lived with for a year ......Mike......that non relationship was easily forgotten by both of us.

So who's next? Who have i forgotten?

I'm in a pissy mood.  I’m being shown a lineup of everything that never chose me… and realizing I don’t want any of it anymore. Who wants low effort recycling?  WTF is this parade of mediocrity?

The guy that "qualifies" for me is the one who clearly and consistently chooses ME.  Every time. No more half assed men that don't add up. 

Price of admission:

1. Consistency without prompting

  • No disappearing acts
  • No popping in “hey stranger” energy
  • If I stop responding, they will notice and step up

2. Clear intention early

  • Not vague, not flirty-only, not “let’s see what happens”
  • I will know within a couple of interactions what they want—and it better not be convenience

3. No urgency tied to their needs

  • No “move in,” no emotional fast-tracking, no love bombing
  • Their timeline is not my pressure

4. REALLY available

  • No engaged men watching my stories
  • No “it’s complicated”
  • No half-in/half-out energy

5. Effort that matches mine, or better yet, LEADS it. 

  • i'm not carrying the conversation
  • i'm  not initiating contact
  • i'm not auditioning 
 He is OUT THE DOOR if he:
  • Disappears and reappears
  • Flirts but doesn’t plan
  • Needs something (housing, validation, ego boost)
  • develops a history of not choosing me
  • Makes me feel confused instead of clear

No more “maybe this time.” I'm over the confused boy/men. 

MY partner will choose me clearly and repeatedly.  I won't feel anxious waiting for our next interaction and his actions will line up without me having to interpret or decode them. I will feel calm, not activated

NONE of the above men made the cut.  NEXT!



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