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what day is it?

 Woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday, and feeling like booooooo.

I asked Alexa what day it was.  Twice.  Then i believed him.  Yes, my Alexa is a "He".

I don't believe anything he says either until i've confirmed it. HA

The project for my besties birthday has me kerfluxed.  I have a few options, and i'm running out of time.  Maybe buying stuff I can't afford is the better option.  No.  I kid.  I just don't know if she will appreciate how much time and planning is going into making her something one of a kind, from my heart.

I'm not an artist.  I'm a sentimentalist. 

If i make it for you, it's filled with love.  

Side trip, i'm making my mini bookcase.  It's an ongoing project that is not original.  One of the downsides of reading library books, or electronic books on my kindle is that I don't have the books to represent how much and what i've been reading.  My comfort.  

I saw a few people making different projects to represent visually what they have been reading and i fell in love with the miniature bookshelf with miniature books.  I have been designing and experimenting with the bookshelf itself, which i picked up at a thrift store and painted.  I'm not sure what it was in its orginal form but NOW it's my bookshelf.  I'm adding tiny fairy lights, and little trinkets, as if it was my dream bookshelf in a SheShed.  Who knows, this may expand to a miniature library/sheshed scene.  I've always been fascinated with minis.  For instance, i am making tiny candle sconces out of old jewelry parts.....somewhere down the line.  Right now i'm making the books i've read this year, and favorites.  As time goes on the shelves will be filled with books. 

This is a lesson in patience because the final product will probably never be done.  I may even decorate it for the holidays.....why not?

When i'm dead and gone my granddaughter can take it or throw it away.  I won't know the difference.

Or maybe my grandson will be the reader.

Hopefully one of them at least and maybe they will carry the project on.  How is that for futuristic planning?  Big plans MB, slow your roll.

Between the bestie project and the bookshelf project and some minor cleaning around my home, I'll be taking it easy this weekend.  I haven't been home in what seems like ages.  Some series binging will be taking place and some smoking will also take place.  Shhhhh.  It doesn't happen often but i did just order a grinder which i think every self respecting flower enjoyer should have.

I still have whats left of the Marine mans gift.  Thats how little i indulge. 

It's more fun to smoke and watch scary movies with someone.  Preferably someone to cuddle up with.  Thats all.  Nothing else.  Just some fun shrieking and laughing to keep the boogie man away.

I almost reached out to Eddie yesterday, but that seem wildly unfair and misleading.  

Someone who belongs to the same "50 and older single and looking" facebook group and i have been exchanging pleasantries but he lives so far away.  Why start what i know i won't grow...i'm here until i retire.

Mr. Tattoo, ehem, has left the building again. Hot and heavy and then..........nothing.  Am i surprised?  Not at all.  Am i sad about it?  Not at all.  He is fun, has a special skill of lighting up my hormones (also i wonder how much of this has to do with my hormone replacement therapy kicking in?).

I don't believe he has any intention of following through with any of the teasing things he says.  Last i knew he was in a relationship and wasn't that kind of man.  But really, how do i know what kind of man he is?  Sexy. Yes.  The rest?  Who knows.  Not for me to worry about.  He and I have a very clear path of a sexual relationship only.  If that.

So back to my crafting and series binging.......lets go be productive!

Before i sign off i have to admit that i had a very dark thought this morning.  While scrolling facebook i saw an article about a woman dying in a head on collision in Burlington.  I scanned the comments and saw that people were saying goodbye to "Mary"........and I admit it, i hoped it was her.  I paused for a moment and thought "Mary in Burlington.....let it be his ex who never goes away".....and then i felt a wave of disgust wash over me, making me want to throw up.  This........this is the me i am when he is involved.  This is the toxic, death wishing, worst part of my being self......with him.

I read the article and it was not that Mary.  I sent up a word of apology to the stars, hoping that my thoughts do not go out into the world.  I'm writing about it here to acknowledge that it's not just him, it's me.  We both, especially together, are toxic and disgusting.  I know he wants me to contact him, or for me to allow him to contact me.  I can FEEL him.  I'm waiting for him to show up again.  I don't know how, but i know him.  

And if i needed ANY reminder of his place in my life.....it's this.  Bill must never be present in my life again.  And i need to push his existence in my thoughts and memories into the past.

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