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why i'm not an artist

 I have no patience.

I have been working on besties project for 2 weeks now and last night i thought i was finished.  The plan i had in my head was finished.

But it doesn't look finished to me.

And I see all the places i made mistakes.

It looks like a kid did it.

Now to be fair, i only JUST started watercolor painting within the past year.  I didn't take classes, or do anything besides fool around with it, and watch some shorts online to technique.  I'm not a good rule follower.

I felt the same way about Jens gift and she loves it.  Still talks about it and shows people what i made for her.  So it can't be that bad, or she is supporting her special needs friend. (eye roll)

Making a gift for someone is......a labor of love.  I hope she loves it.  

Thats what last night was.  Home, read for about an hour, heat up leftovers, finish besties project, read, bed.

Fall asleep at 8:30pm, wake up at 10, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5:30am before finally giving up and getting up.

So much for all that wonderful sleep i was getting.

I need to find a way to clear out my head of things i've already decided on and can't control.  Make room.  

I'm struggling with thoughts of stupid ass Bill, but i'm catching myself.  I haven't unblocked him, i haven't stalked his social media......i'm doing good.  Except for the fucking intrusive thoughts that are not even nice.  It's a toxic longing.  It's fucked up.

Regardless, it's done.

A friend of mine who is in her 70's and on my facebook page posted a comment on a meme i posted that said "I just want to find another wierdo to go on adventures with, and bend me over in the woods"...She wrote "let me introduce you to my son"

Which made me laugh in shock.  Hell of a post to suggest that.  But thats one of the reasons we like each other.  Two hippies, one fake one real and that sense of humor that doesn't go away with age.

So I private messaged her and said "tell me more".

That would be funny if she's been hiding my dream man all these years/

Also, wondering about Mr. Tattoo.  Hoping he is okay. I wonder if he had a fit of conscious, because he just dropped out and went silent.  I'm not about to reach out.  

To any man.  It's on him/them......I'm living my life. 


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