Sleep eludes me

 the past couple of nights have been doozies!  Tossing and turning, waking up fully awake and ready to rock and roll in the middle of the night.  It's going to catch up to me.  Probably when i least need it to.

Dreaming a lot about work.  I will feel much better once we have passed into July - and i have made the cut and someone has agreed to finance my paycheck.  I feel so out of control and pissed off that the SOM just decided they aren't paying for me next fiscal year *poof.  

Everyone tells me not to worry that of course i'll have a job but .........i'd be insane not to worry.  My contract was with SOM.  I'm basically free floating at the moment.  FML

Here's the thing, finding work at my age will be near impossible because they expect me to retire within a few years.  AND they won't want to pay what i would expect to be paid for my experience. Mama isn't working for free and giving up the knowledge.  Sorry.  

What the hell is the plan?  There is only me to take care of now, with Miyagi gone and Ninja happily living with my son and DIL.  So pretty much, the world is my oyster.  Scary as that sounds.  

I know i'd not have to live on the street- my friends wouldn't allow it, however, i don't want to live with my friends.  I am not a charity case and i'm not mentally unstable the way i was when i lived with my bestie for a year.  I'm good.  Probably the best i've been ........ever.

So i need a plan.  IF this happens, or you know, the world blows up and i somehow unfortunately survive.....i need a plan. Tongue in cheek here.  But not.

There are bigger problems around me and mine seem pretty minimal.  Earth shattering to me, but in the big picture?  liveable.

People live out of their cars for christ sake- and with the cost of gas rising as it is, even THAT won't be affordable much longer.

What is going on with the world?

I saw a snippet of an interview with Anthony Bourdain, obviously from when he was alive.....he was asked if he would eat with Trump......his answer was wonderful and a definite NO. I knew i loved that man.  And i still wonder if he actually took his own life.  We will never know.

And this morning hearing a story about all the scientists are disappearing or dying.....wtf. I'm so tired of the rich and powerful few having so much power of the the masses.  

Now i'm listening to conspiracy theories.....might want to rethink the statement about "best mental health ever".............