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Is happiness boring?

 My brain is filled with how i'm going to pay for plane tickets to Florida and Utah this summer and still pay my rent and basic bills.

The crunch is real.

I make a more than decent wage, i cannot understand how someone who only feeds one person, pays rent and buys all her clothes second hand can't make ends meet.  I bought a couch for $100 and felt like i was spending $10,000.  I'm not cheap.  I'm terrified.

One small mis-step and i lose the roof over my head.  

At least i wouldn't have any bills then.  Well, i'd have my credit card bills but i could pay them all off with two paychecks.

Isn't that fucked up?

So the choice is try to stay safe and keep money (doesn't work) or live my life and be creative with how i manage my money and STILL have none........i'm gonna live.  

It's scary and at the same time, it's still scary.

Really deep diving into my tarot/astrology/numerology lately.  It's uncanny how spot on it is.  Yes, it's subconscious.  So what?  It' brings it forward to the conscious.  Let me live.

Mr. Cigar is doing his flighty stuff, and this go around not only did i expect it but i'm finding him to be predictable as well.  hmmmmm.  Does predictable = dependable?  Interesting.

It's okay, it's how we are going to grow closer or finally detach from each other.  This acceptance over trying to make things different will take us to where we are going a lot faster.  

I do think i love him.  But only the parts i know about.  There's a lot more going on there and that's where i hold back.  Because why wouldn't I?

Okay - life is beckoning.  Ta for now.

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