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when it counts

 Today i am struggling.  Since i found out in February that the SOM will no longer be financing it's portion of my salary due to changes they are making regarding the program i coordinate.....that has nothing to do with me, yet EVERYTHING to do with me........I've been on edge.

Being at work and not knowing IF you have a job when the boss you were hired to work with on this program is retiring, or almost worse WHAT your job will become if you still have one.......is torture.  And "they" the powers that be,  don't seem to give it a second thought.  Just "you don't have to worry, you will have a job"......as if that is all i need to know.

Would they come to work every day and give it their all if they didn't know what department they were working for or what their chain of command was?  And no one seemed to think it was very important?

When outside companies come in, or when leadership begins to restructure, ambiguous positions at my level are not questioned , they are swept up.

I've been caught in that kind of cleaning up before.  I speak from experience.  And it wasn't until after i was laid off that "they" had any clue all the work i was doing.  Until it wasn't done anymore.  Fuckers.  

I'm not letting that happen again.  If they want to keep me they need to talk to me about what is going on.  Make it important.  Because presently, i'm searching for new jobs to feel like i have a modicum of control over my professional life.

No, i won't go to the union.  I did go to HR for some clarification, and got the standard non-answer with the direction to go back to my boss, who isn't my boss......GRRRRR.

So i wrote a request for clarification on what my role will look like, who i will be reporting to, and what department i would be a part of as of July 1sr.  Of course there has been no answer.  They all have to finally make time to talk about me before they talk to me.  

Such bullshit.

I'm not getting younger, but i'm not desperate to take any job they throw at me either.  Maybe temporarily.  

I texted Mr. Cigar with an SOS on my was to panic after i sent my request out to virtually anyone who may or may not be my official boss. (not my old boss, i'm sparing him the chaos so he can focus on his retirement plans)  

He called me immediately and talked me off a wall.  Then he told me to stop being a douche stop being negative.  He talked me up,  He calmed me down, supported my position and really made a difference in helping me regulate the panic i was starting to swallow.  

Then he said he had to get back to work.  So he did in fact, pause his day just to make sure i am okay.

And that matters. 

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