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i'm not fine

 I really thought i would never be hurt again.  Especially by someone i've only known for 2 months.

2 months of daily conversations.

I'm sad because i cared and i was treated like i don't matter.

I let him in.  

I saw him as a good man.  How he spoke to me, and how he handled me after.......does not match my definition of a good man.

How could he say that to me.

Was any of this real?

I gave myself, even when upset.  I drove to his house to talk in person and he responded with indifference and rejection. like i'm disposable.

I'm sad because this relationship mattered to me.  I feel the loss of the connection we had, of the possibility of what we might have had.

I did not deserve what he said.  I hung up on him to create space, to create a boundary.  Then i followed up because i wanted to understand him.

But he shut down.  Shut me down.  Turned his back.

So i sit here wondering what is wrong with me?  Why did he think so little of me, and why do i care?



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