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Tripping

 Today my boss called me a computer wiz.  

I already idolize the man.  

A little bit ago i had the opportunity to run across campus in this gorgeous weather to get a hand delivered signature.  I went back to my old stomping grounds.

I was pretty unprepared for the welcome i received.  I got hugs and smiles galore.  I was so happy to see so many people i had worked with for 4 years, and i even went to my old office...

Bittersweet because i did love the people i worked with there, but when an opportunity arose and it was dangled in my face by a new manager who had joined the team.......and then i didn't get it.  I saw there would be no growth for me there, that i had my niche where i was needed.........and i wanted more than that.

So i moved on but i never forgot the good times (and stressful times) i had there.  

I needed this today because i have not heard from Mr. Cigar.  Sometimes it's hard to draw a line in the sand and stand up for yourself when you know you want and deserve more.  Leaving that department was leaving a job I knew inside out and a job i was good at.....but i wanted more and it couldn't offer me more.  It's the same with Mr. Cigar.  Yes, i like him, can see myself eventually falling for him.......which is why it's important to make my intentions known.  Maybe he will be able to meet me half way, or maybe i'll never hear from him again.

Either way, i move forward.  

And this time there will be no reaching out from me "so he doesn't forget about me"........they don't forget.  If they don't care, they just don't care.  And it's better to know that than not.

I walked.  I didn't take the shuttle.  And every opportunity i have i've been walking, stretching, exercising to sweat and drop the weight, get in better shape.  

For myself.  Because it makes me feel confident about my ability.  Because i enjoy the occassional getting checked out.  Not everyone finds me unattractive at my present weight.  

I think it's more about confidence and security than what a woman looks like. When i feel good about me i give off good vibes and confidence.  I get attention.  What i'm doing, is for myself, not for attention but its a nice reinforcement that i'm moving in the right direction. 

It makes rejection not feel so personal.  It's not about me.  It's his issue.  He pursued me, I've been honest from the start, and i laid down a line.........if he chooses to miss his opportunity with me, that will be his regret.  But i won't regret letting go of someone who wasn't taking me seriously.

Something i've taken note of with Mr. Cigar is that he seems to care more about women after they are gone.  That makes me sad.  For him. 


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