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Just not cut out for this

I guess this one is done.

He always busts my ass but today he went too far.  And I was kind of shocked, then mad.  So i hung up before i lost my mind.

Instead of calming down, i spiraled. Some things just aren't funny.  And EVEN if he was joking, i don't think a man that cares for a woman, or has any kind of respect for her, would say what he said.

Instead of having a war on the phone, I grabbed the bag with the token gift i bought him from my weekend away, (because we still haven't seen each other) and his dish, from when he made me lunch, got in my car and drove out to his house.  

He texted me, and i told him i was coming to bring him his gift.  He read the message.

I truly didn't believe that he wouldn't open the garage door when i arrived.  He has so much security on his house, and cameras....i could hear the dogs barking.....there's no way he didnt know i was there.  So i left.  And as soon as i left he called me.  And I ANSWERED to him telling me how was he supposed to know i was coming and what was wrong with me and mad that i HUNG UP on him...........

So i t repeated back what he said to me that got me upset.  And he was incredulous, and said okay "goodbye" and hung up.

Me being who i am, can't leave it alone.  I text him, he hasn't read them.  I called him, i go to voicemail.

See.  being shut off and ignored, being cut out........that triggers all my triggers.  Because it tells me i don't matter.  If you can cut me out, i don't matter. 

I thought he was different.  I thought he was going to be the one.  looks like i was wrong.  Again.  Last year i fell for Mr. Tattoo and made a complete ass out of myself.  This years lesson is Mr. Cigar.  

I don't want to do this anymore.  I don't want to date men i don't like, and i don't want to start caring about men that can just cut me out.  It hurts and its awful and i don't want to do this anymore.

Hey, at least i didn't sleep with him.  Bravo for me.  Maybe i should go back to casual meaningless sex with men i could care less about.....and save the tears. 

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