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Christmas

 My son is hosting Christmas eve at his house this year.  This time of year is so complicated.  My daughters husband's (estranged) birthday is on Christmas eve.  He wants to spend it with his daughter.  He has never been very flexible about it also being a holiday. 

Last year was so nice.  My grandaughter was out with her father on Christmas Eve.  I spent some time alone with my daughter and we wrapped presents and drank wine until she came home.  Then we watched a christmas movie and talked about me staying awake to "catch" Santa.  This has become a tradition.  Christmas day last year, my son and his wife came into the city and we got all dressed up and went to a fancy dinner together.  My daughters husband joined us.  All was wonderful until the end of the night when he told my granddaugher she was going home with him, because they had a flight early the next morning.

The shit hit the fan.  My granddaughter did NOT want to go when her grandmother was here.  She wanted to go home and play with her christmas toys and be with us.  Up to that point i had been very impressed that this child had been so good at such a boring thing for a kid.  Well, that ended.  She began to cry.  Not loud.  but it broke my heart.  And he kept making it worse.  And my daughter got more than a little rage in her eye.

So Christmas night was emotional.  He can be such a selfish prick.  

This year, he wants my daughter to go out to dinner on Christmas eve with him and their daughter, knowing very well that i come every christmas eve.  It's very hard not to hate him.  SO now i'm going with them.  HA HA asshole.  I'm quite sure that was the condition set by my daughter.  So yes, i will go and believe me, drinks are on him.

I'm hoping that my son and his wife will come to the city Christmas day.  It might be too much if they are hosting the night before.  Also, it might be the last time in a long time that they can do it.  shhhhh.

Add in that Bill isn't going anywhere for Christmas and just wants to stay home alone with his dogs not working.  In a way, i hope it snows so that he is working.  The idea of him being alone bothers me.  I did invite him to the city, but he hasn't met my family and that would be uncomfortable for him.  I get it.

With all that said, i am still excited about Christmas.  I have everything i want.  My children are grown ups and will figure out what they all want to do.  And they will tell me where i need to go.  Christmas is about kids, and that is always where i will be.  We don't have any traditions in my small family, this is the only one.  And when my son has kids it will evolve, but bet your ass, Christmas to me is about my grandbabies.  

I can get stressed, worry and try to control.  OR i can just relax, be flexible and enjoy.  I did order something very nice for Bill, that i hope he will like.  And i MAY do a stocking for him as a christmas morning surprise.  Because the idea of celebrating him and shopping for him makes me happy.  



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