Skip to main content

always look good

 This morning i put on wide leg jeans and then tried on every shirt and sweater possible to try and get away with it.........nope.  I can't do it.  Took off the jeans, put on the slacks and a jacket.  I feel so tired and sluggish but i can NOT look it at work.

I have to dress appropriately.  UGGGHHH.



Fine, i won't wear makeup today.  But i did.  I think they call this tough love.  There used to be days before this job where i could go to work looking a bit sloppy, comfy.  I simply can't anymore.  I don't wear a white lab coat so i better be looking relatively sharp............even when i feel like crawling back into bed.

More people know me than i know..........if that makes sense.  I send emails out to people i've never met, i'm on team meetings with leadership, I canNOT afford for anyone to think i'm sloppy in any way.

Especially since i'm taking on tasks that are above my job title and I'm doing it strategically.  I don't have the degree needed for the next step up.........but, if i do the job, i can reclassify.  It's the only way i can move up so thats what i'm shooting for.

The ice machine in the cafe has been broken all week and it's been putting me (and others) in a bad mood.  Ice water is life around here, as much as coffee is.  This morning i almost danced over to it when i saw the sign was down and the machine is working.  Yahoooooo.  And then an AVP from another department came up and he was also ridiculously excited so we stood there filling our very large cups being ridiculous.

As i walked away i thought "he's kinda cute".....and then i slapped myself in my mind.  Really hard.  I see him every morning on the hospital wide leadership team call.......he must be married.  I would think.

Anyways, i've been having people talk to me who never used to even SEE me.  I think the weight loss i'm experiencing and the excersize is affecting how i carry myself and my attitude.  I'm not trying to hide. 

Who knows.  Maybe they are noticing because i'm not a fat ass anymore.  

But the ass will always be fat, to be clear.

In a pretty good place this morning.  Lets hope it holds.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Sunday funday

 I stayed in bed until 8am.  Yes, i was scrolling my phone, but still........i was in bed.  Also, i made coffee and brought it BACK to bed.....so yes, technically, i remained in bed until 8am. I have a hard time staying up past 9pm.  And then i can't sleep past 6:30 at the latest.  When did that happen? Yesterday, i was ready for bed by 7pm at the birthday party.   I got to hold, okay, i TOOK the 6 day old premie babie and cradled his little body for a longggg time.  I layed him in my lap so i could see him, and he could strettttttttch his tiny body.  This little boy, normally, would still be baking in the womb.......but here he is, tiny and mighty, in my lap.  His tiny hands, his tiny FEET.  OMG.  New mamma was happy to be with her family and socialize, but new daddy, stayed close.  He talked about all the things CJ does already.......sleep, eat, poop.   He is a very nice young man, very in tune with his sons wh...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »