Skip to main content

Check in

 Sorry i haven't called, i'm so busy at work.

I don't think thats going to fly when it's me talking to myself.

But i really have been busy at work.  And my private life has seemed to center out a bit with the exception of a few unexpected meltdowns.

I'm trying to pretend i know what i'm doing at work- and i'm suddenly interacting with so many people who have intimidated me in the past......and now i'm feeling like part of a team again.  But i don't kid myself.  I have the knowledge and history that they need probably to put me out of a job ......

Not really, but it's always a possibility.  Everything is changing very rapidly around here and i'm just tying to remain relevant. 

Mister texted me to have a good night after work yesterday - he was going out with a friend, Darcy.  I waited to feel something.....nope.  Don't care.  I think thats good?  He has a lot of female friends which brings up a few alarms in the back of my head but i think i'll just wait and see how it pans out.

Sometimes i wonder if he's gay.

There i said it.

at the very least, Bi.

Does it matter?  The gay part would matter.  I'm not that cool. 

He'd probably be mortified that i'm even wondering.  The man has 4 children, 2 adults and 2 youngers.  He sure likes making babies at least.

This morning my phone was beebing like mad.  I had 3 different people making plans with me for the weekend.  Doug and Jen are picking me up Saturday morning and we are going on an all day adventure, then coming home to eat crockpot dinner and eat gummies and drink.  They will stay over.  Sunday we will have breakfast, and hang out until they leave.  Sunday afternoon i will probably see Mister for a few hours. 

I better get all my chores and housecleaning done this week.

My phone was annoying me- and then i stopped and thought how lucky i am to have people in my life that make plans with me.

That want to spend time with me.

Even when i have literally nothing to offer.

That said, i might be doing a longer than 3 mile walk with my gf Sarah after work Friday - she is a great encourager.  I can't wait for her to see the difference in the last time we walked together - AND that i can go up and down my front steps without holding on to the railings.

lol Such small things that make me feel so accomplished.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Let's talk about Mr. Racecar

 I admit it.  I am a little bit excited about meeting Mr. Racecar.   He's younger- 53 He's taller, and bigger than me He has tats, bald head and long beard He builds cars/trucks and drag races - own his shop which is attached to his home.  ONE is a Camaro.  It sounds NASTY. He lives an hour away Now......here's what happens in my head:  What the hell could this man possibly see in me?  Why would he want to meet me?  He- owns a Harley but hasn't ridden it in a few years due to a car accident that left him unable to walk again until recently. He is a typical male in that some of his talk tries to lead me down the "lets talk about sex, baby, lets talk about you and me" side of things, which I have successfully diverted without him losing interest. I'm looking to date, to find the man I want to have a relationship with, not a situationship. And then I had to explain what a situationship is because he has only just started dating again, and he is ...

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...