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M needs a name

 Mister. Manly. Marvelous. Maybe. Mine. 

i'm gonna go with Mister.  The rest is yet to be determined.

He called me last night, and we talked for a long, but not too long time.  We reviewed Sundays meltdown, and relationship status was reinforced as "no pressure" until the end of therapy and no promises about what happens from there.  

It seems the most honest way for me to behave - and he has the freedom to do as he pleases.

Stupid because even if we were in a "relationship" he would still be able to do as he pleases....as would I.  

Whatever, the words get in the way.

What i liked:  When he left he went home and picked up his camera, and went out to take pictures.  He hasn't done it in forever and I was encouraging him to get back into it.  He is an amazing photographer.  His pictures make you feel something.  

And he did.  And he enjoyed himself.  And he is sparked to pick it up again - That made me happy.  He didn't just talk about it, he went and did it.  

He said he loved my beef stew. He ate it for lunch and dinner and slurped up  the juice at the bottom of the bowl.  I do make good beef stew.  He said he wished he had gone ahead and accepted the bisquits i had tried to add to it.  Next time.

And when i said i wanted to go read my book, we were off the phone quickly.  No attitude.  No trying to keep me on the line.  

Easy.

And we know how i feel about easy.  Mistrustful, uninterested.  Well, usually.  Last night i just felt heard and like what i wanted mattered.

that little voice in my head is asking "how long does THAT last mb?"

I guess it lasts as long as i accept no less.  I have a part in this.  I don't have to accept anything BUT caring and respect.  Thats on me.


In other news, my joints hurt really bad.  It started with my left arm, where i got my flu shot, and now it has spread throughout my body.  It literally hurts.  To the point that movement is very uncomfortable, and that is interferring with my daily movement goals.  If it gets worse i'm going to call my doctor, and what is she going to do about it?  Give me a pill?

Today i make sure i am drinking enough water - make sure it's not dehydration.  

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