Death of Shenanigans

Last night was hard, but i knew it was coming ever since our Florida vacation.  

Shenanigans is dead to me.  I started this group years ago during covid on an application called "KiK" which was a chat program that you could have public and private groups in.  I was in a group that was a lot of fun, but got dramatic.  So i decided to start my own group.

Shenanigans was born.  And it thrived.  The room was usually full, meaning no new people could join because we were at max.  Any time or day it was hopping.  Someone was always around to talk to. People came, and went.  A lot stayed and fit the non-mold that we had.  We listened, we debated and we didn't judge.  Everyone was welcome as long as they were from Connecticut.

Because i hosted meet and greets.  People in the group would meet out at public places to get to talk in person with each other.  And eventually, the group had a solid base of consistent members that had become friends.

I had administrators, and formed a separate group from the chat that only included the "core" members.  These members would get together regularly in each others homes and if we wanted someone from the main group to join we would invite them.  But new people that came into the main chat had to be met in public at a meet and greet first.  So we knew who they were.  as much as we could, vet them.

It was it's own little community.  And it was fun for the times we were in, and for as long as it lasted.

After covid, when we went back to old ways that were now new.....the group started to drop off.  It had served it's purpose.  I handed ownership over to another member and left.  I had outgrown it, i no longer had time for it. I left KIK entirely.  I had made my core group of friends and we were all connected on facebook so i created a chat group there so we could still make arrangements to see each other easily and make plans in one place.  We keep in touch there, in between get togethers.  It's not what KIK was, it's more like a family chat.  We called ourselves "la familia" and we meant it.

for a little while.

The florida trip brought a lot to light about how some people actually live their lives and the fit that had been so comfortable before, was now, not so much.  And it became blaringly obvious to me.  But i sat back and watched- And what i saw is me, Jen and Doug always managing to find time to be together because we don't have to go out or do anything special aside from just being together.  And then Eddie came back, and he makes time to see us too.  The four of us always manage to make time for each other in our hectic and busy lives.  But the others......they would always say "we need to get together" and not make the plan, or offer an invitation.  It was lip service.  At first, "they" would be invited to "our" last minute get togethers, and they never made it.  So the group slowly divided. And apparently there were feelings about it.

I make the time.  Doug and Jen make the time.  Eddie makes the time.  And eventually we just stopped inviting the ones that always had an excuse. Because honestly, nobody cared what the excuses were.  Just say you can't and please let me know next time.  Make an effort.  But instead they became jealous of the effort we were putting in, where they put in none.

Every year we do a Friendsgiving, and that is when i give out handmade gifts to everyone in the group because i want to.  And every year,  Jen and Doug host and began to also include gifts.  So now we make the gifts together and give them.  This year, they cannot host because they have a full house with their adult daughter and grandchildren.  So i am hosting.  I was not in the chat group when the dates were discussed and Jen told me the date. I went in to the chat (i haven't had a lot of time) and invited everyone to my home on the date they choose to have our friendsgiving.

Last night Bree has an announcement that she is dealing with so much emotionally and she needs to step back from the group and focus 100% on herself.  Okay, this is pretty much a quarterly announcement from her, and we are all used to encouraging her to take care of herself (she won't) and then she gets invited to whatever we are doing and all she has to do is show up.  She gets a "we just want you here" and then we all applaud her for showing up.

I'm over it.  Ever since Florida i can't pretend that that behavior isn't part of who she is.  It's not growth, it's not temporary, its someone who is out of control and uses it as an excuse while doing nothing about it.  Ever.  

So i say nothing, but sit back and watch.  The normal noises of support arise.  Then she says she understands if she gets kicked out of the group.

Which was a gut punch.  No one has ever been kicked out of this group.  They leave of their own accord.  We used to chase to find out why but now we agree that if someone leaves that is a show of their interest in our friendship group.  Adios.  I personally have issues with people who are childish and leave a group in a huff because they don't get their way.  We are adults.

Anyways, she knows no one has ever been kicked out, and her saying that hit me like a brick.  So you need time away (which we all take without announcing it) and you think we are booting you?  Meaning, you think I am booting you?  Fuck off.  And basically, i said that only slightly nicer because it was bullshit and it was hurtful and selfish.  Then Dave got involved defending her and i told him the same thing.  

I run to my friends in times of crisis.  And i don't drop inuendo into their laps and then use it as an excuse to never put any effort into the friendship.  Friendship goes both ways.  You are there for each other.  And we have always been there for her, with money, with time, with support......and she says that.  And yes, i will say that she has taken and taken and never given back.  Not even time.

So if you think we will kick you out because you are dipping as you always do.........fuck off.  

And then, i left the chat group. 

I will no longer suffer one sided relationships with people who cannot be real.  Shenanigans served it's purpose for many years and it's done now.  It was outgrown.  Some friendships have grown stronger, and some sat in the same soil they were seeded in.  Shenanigans is dead.