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don't want to

 i really don't want to continue therapy.

But i will. 

I'm slowly pulling the parts together  that have scattered in the wind.  I have to continue.

Yesterday, a poem started to form in my mind - having to do with evil and what it is- or what it looks like.  It isn't scary, or ugly- It comes in the form of a man/woman who you are unbearably attracted to, can't get enough of- even though they rip your soul out.  They possess your mind, take over your thoughts....you never see them coming.  That is evil.  

I'm working on it.  Mulling it in my mind.  I'm sure it's not a new concept, but to me, it is.

Especially today - All Hallows eve when the veil between the worlds lift.  

Is it about "others" or is it about yourself?  When we see ourselves and the people around us very clearly.  

My creative juices are flowing and then stopping.  Flowing than hitting a wall.

But i will run with them this time.  I will put them down when the idea becomes too tough because i've handled it too much - and i will watch the thoughts that flow through my brain and notice how they affect my body.

Yesterday i saw a video of a woman who creates "glimmers" in her community.  Glimmers are the opposite of triggers.  They bring little sparks of joy.  I decided i want to leave glimmers for people as well...........and so tonight my project begins.  Not expensive, or too difficult - just time, and thought and then planting in random places for people to find.  Words of encouragement.

Don't we all need that?

I will carry them with me always and leave them wherever i go.  And i hope others will do the same.  I hope the country gets littered with glimmers.

If i was an artist i would create chalk drawings on streets and pathways the way she does.  But that's her way- i have my own.

Also, today marks 9 years of being single.  My last "relationship" ended on this day in 2016.  Look at me now.  Some things remain the same and others have become unrecognizable as "me".  And i love that for myself.

Today is my happy new year, happy new life.  My freedom day.  I'm toasting with coffee.

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