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how do i act?

 Yesterday was a good day at work.  I got a lot done and spent some time with my mentor- he told me i'm the owner of the database now when i went to him to correct a problem.  I said "well, why am i bothering you then?" and he said "I was going to ask you that myself" and we both started laughing.

Understand, being "owner" means i can destroy this very intricate database.  The fact that he gave me full rights is big.  This is his baby.  He birthed it, grew it, and taught me how to manage it.  

I'm scared of it.  But confident in what he has taught me and my ability to solve problems if they arise. 

So work, is good.  But never a given.  I never relax into "i have a job"........that can always change.

I got the "good morning" text from M yesterday and i responded.  But honestly, i was annoyed.  I kind of hate good morning texts.  I liked it when Bill called me in the morning, which was strange.  But the whole obligatory text in the morning has always stuck in my craw.

Low effort, check off list.  I don't need it.

I know thats not how he meant it.  He thinks i want it, and he is providing it.  I will have to tell him to relax.  Texting me constantly has never been a sticking point with me.  I actually prefer the opposite.  

This morning he sent me a text with a link to one of my favorite eat spots and asked if i liked this place....and then promptly made reservations which he sent me.  Very nice.  I like that.  

My negative overthinking side says "yeah, until he gets me"......but we have already set the timeline of 12 weeks of non-commitment, i owe him nothing but my time.  It s his choice to pursue an emotionally unstable woman who is still grieving the loss of a non relationship.  AGAIN.

I've been 100% open and i will not use this man.  But who in their right mind would deny being treated well as long as we all know what the situation is.

Bill still pops up in his persistant ways and i know it's a torture me thing.  He wants me to not forget him, he wants to be on my mind.....but not in my life.  What a fucker.

I'm actually kind of relaxed at the moment.  I'm not obligated or attached to anyone.  I prefer this to the drama.

Sunday ride guy never called me again.  so it looks like i've been ghosted.  I'm confused about that because every time i tried to leave he kept talking to me.  We spent the whole day together and i thought it was pleasant.  See? you can never tell what is in a mans mind.

I'm off the dating site. deleted, not taking a break.  I have enough on my plate with the therapy.

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