Whaaaaat?!

 Last night i had a craving for a fancy coffee.  As i was texting a bit with Mister i told him.  He said to send him a picture of what i wanted and he would deliver it.

yah, right.

And half an hour later he was at my door with a fancy coffee in hand.

So i let him in. :)

We sat talking for a couple of hours and then i told him i was going to bed.  Bye now.  And he left.

No kissy face, no sexy talk (although we did discuss sex a bit because I ask a lot of questions and he  tells a lot of truth without hesitation, without getting defensive......even though i might not appreciate the answer- WHICH doesn't bother me because truth is all i've ever wanted out of a man.  What the truth IS is besides the point.  That was then, this is now.  We all evolve.

I mean, the likelihood of me ever being part of  a spontaneous orgy is probably never going to happen again but i still don't judge anyone's choices before they met me.

During me, yes, i have opinions.  But only in how i want to be treated.  I don't want to change anyone or keep them from doing things they want because of my existence in their life.  I do want to know, because that is intimacy, that is CHOICE, that is respect for your partner.  

What that actually looks like.......i don't know. But that is what i aspire to.  Intimacy is not ownership - it is sharing the deepest darkest feelings or the ugly thoughts that haunt you with someone who will still love you.  Intimacy isn't all roses and sunshine.  It's not easy.  

It's more than sex. A lot more.

This morning driving in to work i was reminded of some of the craziness i've been unfortunate enough to experience in my life and how sometimes, i showed real creativity to get myself out of potential dangerous situations.

The man from years ago, who took me out to a meet and greet with a bunch of people, drank way too much, put his hands on me in the parking lot when he wouldn't give me the car keys to drive - a big huge scene.  I finally drove us back to my place, got out of the car which was his and left the door open (indicating go home you putz) and went in the house.  He did not take the hint and made a big scene and i let him in so he didn't wake up my neighbors (Three family house, there were two locked doors and he had a key to the outside not the inside) were i ignored him until he passed out IN MY BED.  I sat up that night wondering how to get rid of this man (there was a lot involved) and then i went to his coat, took out his keys and replaced my house key with a random key from my junk drawer.

That way, it looked like he still had the key.

When he got up in the morning i told him i couldn't talk to him without coffee - and sent him out to get it.....like everything was fine.  I locked the doors behind him, and when he tried to get back in....nope.

There's more, but lets say he never showed his face in my apartment again.  And he always thought i had the lock changed in the short time he had been out.......

Of course, NOW i know that i have better options if any man ever got me to that point again....like, UBER and the police.  But at that point i just wanted him  to stop, and not wake up my neighbors.  I don't like drama believe it or not....that would have mortified me.

I'm not worried about mortification any more.

So......coffee.  Can't live without the stuff.