Skip to main content

proof

 Until i get into a serious, committed relationship, i'm open to seeing other people - absolutely.

Let it be known that i am NOT looking going forward.  Whatever happens, happens.

Until a man lets his intentions be known, and i have agreed to said intentions........"Exclusive Dating" means diddly squat to me.  


That just means you are taking me off the market while you decide if i'm a keeper or not.  Waste of my time.  Not falling for that ever again.

And it's not something to stick in their face either.  It's for me to know.  I tell men i'm dating too much about my life.  Daters are casual, on a need to know basis.  Relationships get the details. 

Thats how to keep from getting invested in someone who isn't investing in me.  

The man that shows he is serious and treats me the way i deserve to be treated WITHOUT COACHING, is the one i will notice going forward.  These other low effort, game playing, emotionally unavailble men are wasting my energy. 

I shouldn't be crying over a douchebag who was never going to offer me anything other than drama and insecurity.

I need to ACT faster.  I'm happy i took charge of my situation and broke up with him as soon as i realized his ex was still in his heart......yay me.  But i should have broken up with him when that note was still on the cabinet, and that matt was still at the door.  Why?  Because i feel embarrassed now that i was spending time in a home where another woman still ruled.  Whether she was there or not.

Lesson learned.

No matter how interested i am, i need to pay attention to ACTIONS and words that are actually proven.  

Period.

Why do i keep communicating with Bill?  Because he is responsive.  Because he loves the attention and so do i.  It's sick.  I never feel better after contact with him.  I asked him why he keeps reaching out, reminding me of his existence.  To what end? For what purpose?  He said he didn't know.  And said he would stop.  I'm supposed to say, no, don't stop.  But i said "okay" and of couse now he wants to talk to me. 

I don't need any more unavailable men that only want me when i don't want them.  When they feel me withdraw, or not care....then the effort comes.  Like i'm a prize not a person.  yay, you win.

It takes two.  So i'm removing my part.  It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done.  This man offers me nothing so why am i in contact with him?  Zero reason to be.  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »