Yesterday on a whim that i did not control i reached out to Mr. Tattoo via text.
He responded and we had a short, kinda funny, interaction. By the time it was finished, quickly, i had arrived in a different place in my head.
He's all about the sex, that hasn't changed. But me? As a person? It was never that, and it never will be. I romanticize him in my head as "the one i couldn't have".......but i can have what he offered, pretty much anywhere.
Yes, i still get a thrill when i interact with him......but that was chemistry. We knew how to work each other without having to figure it out. In that, we were a perfect match.
But in life? We will never know. So strange but that little interaction felt like a door closing in my heart. I peeked in to see if he had softened, and everything was exactly as we left it. All about sex. Really really great sex. sigh.
Now Bill. He has gone silent and disappeared. This leaves me to wonder if he got back with his ex, or found someone else. He doesn't let go of anyone. Whatever the reason, I also reached out to him because i wondered if he threw my earrings out ....I'm a glutton for punishment. He replied that no, he had not and that i would get them back "soon enough".
hmmm.
He had told me previously that he was working on himself. But he had said that before. maybe this time he is?
What that has to do with me is not a thing. Except, i'm nosy, and i'm still obsessed. Good, bad, indifferent, that is the truth. I'd love to have the door closing conversation with him as well....not have a need for reaching out.
I have therapy this morning. I'm thinking this might be the last session with this person. I'm not sure she is for me. But today i will focus on my anxious attachment style......i need to be retrained.
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