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apology

 I'm a believer in accepting apologies.

But they need to match whatever the apology is for.

This morning i woke up to a text message - basically telling me to accept his apology because he never used to do even that.

Oh, my fluttering heart.  How fucking romantic and grown up.

I ignore it, thinking, more must be coming.

nope.

Here is the clear structure of a GENUINE apology:

Acknowledgment- state clearly what you did or said that caused harm.

Responsibility: Own your role without excuses or deflection

Expression of regret: communicate genuine remorse

Impact recognition: Show how you understand how your actions affected the other person.

Amends/ Repair: Offer to make things right, or change behavior

Commitment to change: Explain how you'll do it differently in the future.

Extra step, Invitation: give the person space to respond.


Not everyone is raised the same.  I've been on my own since 16 with no adult influence beforehand aside from my fathers advice on boys......And i figured it out.  You have to want to do it. 

My response just now to his early text apology was:

Your anger is huge and your apology is weak.  Not impressed.  Have a good day. 

I think we both may enjoy the drama of the back and forth.  This must be the childish draw i have to him.......i'm familiar with this behavior.  

But i have moved into my adult period in life, where peace is more important to me.  That is the difference.  All these "feelings" are exhilarating and make me feel excitement.....because its base.  It's juvenile.  And its beneath me and what i deserve.

This acceptance of his initial apology in person last Sunday was genuine, i wanted to believe it, i wanted this to work.  But it's very obvious it's not.

It takes two.  And lip service to very big issues doesn't cut it. 

Just received yet another TEXT (the laziest form of communication)  saying "okay. I guess i failed"

Yes, Sir.  And that kind of response will keep you failing at women.  Good luck.  


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