mood swings

 I feel bipolar.

But i'm at work.

This isn't about Bill as a person.  It's about what he represents.  Another failed relationship.  If i'm honest, it was mostly off more often than on.  But it felt like a relationship.

Because i cared.  When normally, i really don't.

Maybe this is my karma.  How many men have i cut off when they thought we were getting off the ground?  More than i want to admit.  When i see them getting attached, or having expectations- and i realize i could care less if i see them again........i break up with them.

But i don't drag them first.

Thats just shitty.

I got dragged.  and pulled back, then dragged again.  I LET IT HAPPEN because i believe in romance.  Or love if you want to call it that.  I don't think it just happens.  I think there is interest, and then a need to make it work.....a longing for that person in your life.  And that is love.

And i haven't had any in a long time.

Not the adult, romantic, crave me love.  Lust, yeah.  I can make men lust for me.  But love?  I don't evoke those feelings of wanting to protect me, care for me, have me in thier life.

I just don't.

And that makes me feel unworthy.

And makes me cry.

little bitch.

I prefer happy, singing, me.  Sad me sucks.