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Keep walking

 Yesterday in physical therapy she added straps, and made it more difficult, but manageable......so i'm improving.  Then she told me to slow down on another excersize, or she would add wieghts to it if it was so easy.

I love her.  I have come a LONG way with her.  Am i moving like a 30yr old? No.  But i am 60% more mobile than i was when i started with her.  I'm ordering her a little gift for my appointment next week because it is going to be my last.  And i'm sad.

She suggested that if i am going to continue walking on trails (i told her a trail through the woods is part of my 3 mile walk sometimes) that i get walking sticks.  Mr. Cigar made fun of me when i told him, but i'm doing it.  I want to walk trails with confidence.  

So much of my problem is in my head.  Imagine living 57 years and the first part of your life you are called clumsy constantly and screamed at not to run! It has an impact.  But when i realized just how much of my mobility i had lost in recent years, i decided to get back on track.  

And here we are.  Improving.  And wanting to do better each time.  Mr. Cigar is a slave driver, and he says i don't expect enough of myself, that i need to keep pushing.  I am, but at my own pace.  He is a runner, and i am not.  We are not  the same.  He does motivate me though............even if sometimes so he will just shut up.  Getting a compliment out of him is impossible.  So i will pat myself on the back for my achievments so far.

I'm proud of me.

Yesterday while we were walking he was telling me about some of his female friends.  Hmmm.  Noted.  I have learned to listen to what men tell me and not share my opinion if its negative.  But i can here! LOL

They sound like a bunch of drunks.  Oh, what fun.  

Not that I don't drink and party with my friends, but i'm not going to one of the guys house by myself and getting lit up with him.  That sounds sketch.  Sorry.  I definetly COULD, but why?  I don't like that.  I didn't like it when the ex did it, and i'm not overjoyed that any man i date would go spend an evening with a female friend drinking together at her house.

Nope.  Sketch.

Funny thing is, if the shoe was on the other foot, he would NOT like it and it would get LOUD.  

smh.

Yesterday he said a few things that made me say "do men share a handbook on the stupid bullshit they need to say to women?"  And he looked shocked.

So they do?  Because i've heard some of this stuff before from other men.  And i didn't believe it then either.

After our hour walk i gave him a kiss and went home.  It's a work night.  I've been just walking with him this week.  I am getting to know him better, and vice versa.  There doesnt need to be any sexy time involved.  I'm actually avoiding it.  

This is new for me.  Spending time with a man (almost every day) and doing something physical that isn't sex.  I like it.  It's good for me.  I don't think he likes that i leave immediately but we accomplished what i came to do..........walk.  Plus i want to go home and shower.

Maybe someday he will catch on and suggest i shower at his place.  Or not.  I'm not handing him the keys to my castle.  Figure it out.

He said i could be "so hot" but i have to keep excersizing.......oh?  I told him that was his opinion, that many men already find me hot.  The look. And then i said "do you think i'm doing this for mens opinions?  I work out for myself, so I feel better.  Not for men"

More negging.  Also noted. One thing i can say is that no mans opinion of me will make me be down on myself.  Where one doesn't like me there are 10 that do.  So........don't play with me. 

Work is getting interesting and has been in the news.  Lots of good changes coming up hopefully.  

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