Skip to main content

I feel good

 Mr Cigar contacted me through the dating site that we both jumped back on (yes i gave in).  He wants to drop off my earrings and food that he bought me (oranges and fennel because i was going to make him a salad i grew up eating) so i said fine.

If he shows up today i will be surprised.  Cheap fashion earrings i could care less about....

I might be meeting friends out tonight at a friends bar in waterbury. Its a hole in the wall dive bar called Howards.  We havent had a night out in a while and im looking forward to relaxing with friends and a few beers. Jen has an ear infection so if she isnt going i will suggest a different pace to meet this new guy

I told a man on the dating site thats what im doing tonight and he asked if he could buy me a drink? Fine, if he has the balls to show up and meet me while im out with my friends i give him props.  Its a public place, come on over. The more the merrier. 

He lives in Naugatuck, bald head.....rides.  He reminds me of Mr. Tattoo and i wonder if thats the attraction for me.

Had therapy this morning and discussed why i get attached to emotionally unavailable men. But honestly, these men can get attached, just not to me.

Their loss.

Eventually i will meet the one.  Until then i plan my life with friends and family.  They are smart enough to love me, and accept my love. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »