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sleep

 I was sleeping pretty good there for a while.  Go to bed, wake up and my blankets hadn't moved much and i felt rested.

This morning i woke up and my pillows were on the floor, my blanket was pulled from being tucked in and it looked like a tornado hit my bed.  And i feel like it.

What is on my mind?

This non feeling during the day compared to chaos at night......I hate it.  I think.  

It's like i'm watching myself and thinking "hmmm, something is off" but from a distance, like it's not me.

Last night i cleaned like a maniac.  I had a burst.  And i made a lasagna.  When it was done and cooled i cut it up and froze it. Today it's sausage and peppers with potatoes IF i can muster up a blast of energy.  I was going to freeze that too, but the potatoes don't freeze well.  

A problem so solve.  yippee.

If i freeze portions i know i will eat every day because i don't have to think about it.

Especially with days getting shorter and darker, it's gonna be tough to find any motivation during the week after work.  

Maybe thats what the problem is.  Summer is over. 

One of my girlfriends "might" be coming over today.  This is the problem with her.  It will depend on if her boyfriend is available or not.  If he's not, she will come spend the day.  If he is, she will cancel with me.

They are poly.  It's the most fucked up relationship i've ever seen.  He does as he pleases, or em, who he pleases, and she runs around retaliation fucking trying to get him jealous.  All they do is talk about and arrange sex with other people.

I guess things could be worse.  I could be that.  So much Drama and upset.  I'm not sure if i want her here or not today.  She may make me feel worse with her stories (and tears) OR i might just be more grateful to be single.


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