Skip to main content

sleep

 I was sleeping pretty good there for a while.  Go to bed, wake up and my blankets hadn't moved much and i felt rested.

This morning i woke up and my pillows were on the floor, my blanket was pulled from being tucked in and it looked like a tornado hit my bed.  And i feel like it.

What is on my mind?

This non feeling during the day compared to chaos at night......I hate it.  I think.  

It's like i'm watching myself and thinking "hmmm, something is off" but from a distance, like it's not me.

Last night i cleaned like a maniac.  I had a burst.  And i made a lasagna.  When it was done and cooled i cut it up and froze it. Today it's sausage and peppers with potatoes IF i can muster up a blast of energy.  I was going to freeze that too, but the potatoes don't freeze well.  

A problem so solve.  yippee.

If i freeze portions i know i will eat every day because i don't have to think about it.

Especially with days getting shorter and darker, it's gonna be tough to find any motivation during the week after work.  

Maybe thats what the problem is.  Summer is over. 

One of my girlfriends "might" be coming over today.  This is the problem with her.  It will depend on if her boyfriend is available or not.  If he's not, she will come spend the day.  If he is, she will cancel with me.

They are poly.  It's the most fucked up relationship i've ever seen.  He does as he pleases, or em, who he pleases, and she runs around retaliation fucking trying to get him jealous.  All they do is talk about and arrange sex with other people.

I guess things could be worse.  I could be that.  So much Drama and upset.  I'm not sure if i want her here or not today.  She may make me feel worse with her stories (and tears) OR i might just be more grateful to be single.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Let's talk about Mr. Racecar

 I admit it.  I am a little bit excited about meeting Mr. Racecar.   He's younger- 53 He's taller, and bigger than me He has tats, bald head and long beard He builds cars/trucks and drag races - own his shop which is attached to his home.  ONE is a Camaro.  It sounds NASTY. He lives an hour away Now......here's what happens in my head:  What the hell could this man possibly see in me?  Why would he want to meet me?  He- owns a Harley but hasn't ridden it in a few years due to a car accident that left him unable to walk again until recently. He is a typical male in that some of his talk tries to lead me down the "lets talk about sex, baby, lets talk about you and me" side of things, which I have successfully diverted without him losing interest. I'm looking to date, to find the man I want to have a relationship with, not a situationship. And then I had to explain what a situationship is because he has only just started dating again, and he is ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

I danced.

 This past Saturday night i revisited what it felt like to be the zero fucks ME.   I had talked myself out of going out that night.  I dragged my ass around the house and thought of every reason to text my girlfriend an excuse about why i wasn't going out. I had many valid reasons.  Putting on real clothes, trying to make myself attractive, going somewhere i've never been all by myself to walk up to a man i've been talking to, but haven't ever met face to face.   Okay, Mb.  Just put on your sassy pants and go do it.  Nothing to lose, everything to gain.   But PJs.   No.   On my way I get a text from my gf, she's running late.  When i get to the venue I ask her "how late" and she says about 1/2 an hour. She's picking up our other 2 girlfriends. Do i sit out here in the car for half an hour like a baby when his gig starts in half hour, or do i go inside by myself (getting used to that) and find him, say hello ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »