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no focus is bad

 I need to focus on me and whats good for me.  

This man will continue to call and reach out because i have become a safety blanket.  I don't want that job. He is going to have to heal from his ex on his own or start paying me for counseling services.

Men are just plain stupid.

He doesn't have feelings for me if he is still hung up on her.  It's that simple.  I have to be done.

He stresses me the fuck out.

Relationships should be a comfort, should be easy.  Or shouldn't be at all.  My need to be chosen is wasting my time and blocking my direction.

Maybe i will go tonight.  And we will have this talk. And i will go home. 

I don't want a man who doesn't care if i'm present or not.  Fuck his phone calls.

I will be sad, and then i will have peace.  I won't have to wonder when she's coming back, because she will.  I don't have to worry who he will chose, because i already know. I've left a 20 year relationship with two young children and i've healed from being cheated on in my 13 year relationship.  This should be a CAKE WALK.

Toxic bonds are strong bonds.

I must do this for myself.

My last PT appointment today and I gave her a little thank you gift.  She helped me adjust my new walking sticks (for trails) and taught me how to properly use them.  I have to use them on flat ground until i am completely used to them.  This morning, i joined the gym at work and i just got the confirmation email that says i'm official.  My card will now open the door 24/7 no excuses.  

I'm doing this for myself.  

My PT therapist and i were joking around and she told me i can't hit anyone with my sticks.  Took all the fun out of it.  Then i said i'm going to start drinking raw eggs for protein, like the body builders do because i HATE eggs now.  She said no, i would die from Sal manella and i said "we all got to go sometime" I thought we were gonna pee our pants She said thats not the way to go.  I said "as long as i'm hot, i don't care"

And I realized it's true.  I just want to be the best version of myself once in my life.  I started late, but i will get there.  

Protein and water, no hitting anyone with sticks, and exercise......and no fucking avoidant little bitches. 

I've got shit to do.  I don't have time for games.  

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