Skip to main content

Let's go all the way

 Listened to 80's dance music on the way into work this morning and it got me all pumped up.

My teen years.  The best, and the worst part of my life.  

My first life challenge, being homeless at 16.  My first love.  My first choices as an individual - even if i was so young.

And look at me now bitches!  Look at me now.

I think i should listen to 80's dance music every morning........it brings me back and shows me how far i've come.  On my own.  Solo.

And here i am, still solo.  Still doing it.  I got rid of everyone who tried to hold me back, or hold me down. I raised two independent people who do the same.  

Now it's about what do i want next?  What am i shooting for?

Retirement is so unknown........i have no idea what the world will be like at that time.  I'm living for TODAY, striving to do my best NOW.  The future isn't something anyone should depend on.  

I just replaced the water cooler bottle in one swing.  Yeah, I did that.  

I may have been a little annoyed that someone left it dry for someone else to replace it.......but it doesn't matter if annoyance gave me a little push.  Whatever it takes.


I'm tempted.  I was thinking about this over the weekend, and i don't know if i'm talking myself into or out of a possible flirtation.......at work.  Which is a big no no.  

He's in facilities.  

He's always been extra nice, but i thought that was just how he is to everyone.  I really don't pay attention to men at work as anything other than men i work with.  But i've been looking good lately, I know i have.  And i know i carry myself differently.  I feel better.  I dress better.  I stand straighter.

And i'm noticing him noticing me and i had to wait and see if it was my imagination but i don't think it is.  We have bantered back and forth over the past year - he's good at keeping up the jokes.  I have always liked him, i just never thought of it being "liking" him.

Anyways.....i need to chew on that.  I don't like mixing it up at work with friendships or romances.  There should NEVER be any question of my professionalism.  

At the same time, i see married people who work in different departments making it happen.  And even Doctors are doing it.  In all honesty clinical staff all seem to be screwing each other in rotation......but leadership is a different ballgame. 

Stupid idea.

tempting.

but stupid.

I can just enjoy a mild flirtation because i am single and don't owe anyone my loyalty.  

Time for more tunes.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love ChatGPT

 I am extremely transparent with my emotions because i do not have the ability to NOT be.  My only option when i'm having any feelings is to talk in a very low, slow, monotone voice and keep my face as blank as i possibly can. Unless they mean something to me. Unless i care about them and how they treat me.  So while i'm perfectly okay with never seeing or hearing from Mr. Cigar again, in light of his true self unveiling, I am overthinking my expression of emotions to him.   I took this little conversation and put it into ChatGPT with no questions or directions and this is what i got back: This exchange captures a painful and emotionally charged moment. Your initial message was heartfelt, vulnerable, and expressed a genuine desire for connection and acknowledgment. His response, while polite on the surface, carried a sharp undercurrent of blame and finality—deflecting accountability and subtly rewriting the narrative as your fault. Ending it with “safe travels ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Same stuff

 Nothing new to report.   I've been managing my anxiety, trying to, at least.  I know when it's kicking up and i know it's temporary.   Still doing physical therapy, walking, stretching, losing weight VERY slowly.  Not so easy to lose it at my age.  But i have an appointment in September to discuss hormone replacement and i think that may help me out with body aches and lethargy. Mr. Cigar is as busy as ever, yet always manages to make me feel important in his life.  It's been only 3 months and that shocks me a little bit.  Feels like it's been so much longer.  The pace is perfect, and it's nice to not have to make power moves with him.   I need to see my kids.  I think about them daily and know they have busy lives.  But i feel disconnected sometimes.  Same with some of my friends.  It's really hard for me to reach out.  To anyone. And i've also been enjoying my "do absolutely nothing" time. ...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »

Sunday funday

 I stayed in bed until 8am.  Yes, i was scrolling my phone, but still........i was in bed.  Also, i made coffee and brought it BACK to bed.....so yes, technically, i remained in bed until 8am. I have a hard time staying up past 9pm.  And then i can't sleep past 6:30 at the latest.  When did that happen? Yesterday, i was ready for bed by 7pm at the birthday party.   I got to hold, okay, i TOOK the 6 day old premie babie and cradled his little body for a longggg time.  I layed him in my lap so i could see him, and he could strettttttttch his tiny body.  This little boy, normally, would still be baking in the womb.......but here he is, tiny and mighty, in my lap.  His tiny hands, his tiny FEET.  OMG.  New mamma was happy to be with her family and socialize, but new daddy, stayed close.  He talked about all the things CJ does already.......sleep, eat, poop.   He is a very nice young man, very in tune with his sons wh...
Post a Comment
Keep reading »